"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, April 22, 2011

TAKING ON FEELING

For over two and a half years I have been facing my own places of weakness, vulnerability, loneliness and being broken in many areas. Learning on my journey I cannot expect a quick fix. In order to heal from past emotional pains and suffering, I must go through.

Compassion does not come easy for me. Compassion is hard for me to even express to myself let alone another human being.

Sure I can go through the motions with many of my feelings. But, that is all they are motions, not feelings.

ALTHOUGH..... over these last two and a half years, as my walls come down surrounding my damaged heart, and as my t. says, and I agree, "we are closer or even at the core of my pain now," more of my emotions are taking on feelings. Not totally.... but I see and feel the results. More tears when viewing or seeing someone struggle needlessly.

Shame remains to be my biggest stumbling block though. Shame has ruled me for most my life. From my parents critical and judgmental abuse to my brother sexually abusing me as a child. Shame strangles all my other emotions and drags them into its own very core, i.e. guilt, condemnation, self worth, confidence, etc.

I want to get to a place where compassion overrides my fears. Where I can go with someone else to their own pain and be there with them and feel.


"Let us not underestimate how hard it is to be compassionate. Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our spontaneous response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it."

— Henri J.M. Nouwen

17 comments:

  1. I know that logically you realize that "shame" was placed on you by others. It was nothing you earned or deserved.

    I pray this journey of torment is coming to an end for good JBR. (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  2. GREAT QUOTE FROM NOWEN, GOES RIGHT ALONG WITH YOUR POST AND WHAT YOUR EXPERIENCING. PULLING FOR YOU TO BEAT THE STRONGHOLD OF SHAME. READ YOU PREVIOUS POST WITH THE LONG AND INDEPTH PRAYER. THAT IS AWESOME. PRAYING FOR YOUR BREAK THROUGH. CONTINUE SEAKING HIM AND HE'LL ANSWER YOU JBR.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i pray that you break free of that shame and no longer live under its thumb...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi JBR,
    I will pray this for you. For your heart to be broken with compassion for others.

    Almost 2 years ago I asked God to give me His heart. I so wanted His love and compassion for people. He did and now I am overwhelmed with love and compassion for people I have never seen. I am moved by prayer for them and will just weep for them. Ask God to give you His heart I promise He will. He wants us to love and care for others.

    Blessings on this Good Friday,
    <><

    ReplyDelete
  5. It's all coming JBR...

    What you probably don't even see in yourself, I and others already see... a warm and caring heart that beats strongly! Don't ever doubt it!

    God has so much ahead for you my friend.

    Warm hugs and a JOYOUS Easter.

    xo

    Sonja

    ReplyDelete
  6. JBR,
    I pray the Lord fill your heart with His joy this Easter weekend and forever more.

    Blessings,
    Ken

    ReplyDelete
  7. I always love when I see bear hugs. I pray that you can get to where you want to be too. What I was thinking when I read this is why is this your shame? I think it's their shame, give it back to them. I bet that they haven't spent their life feeling bad about it. ((HUGS))

    ReplyDelete
  8. Shame is such a damaging emotion but this is coverd on the cross by Jesus' blood and we are declared innocent because of Him. I pray for your continued healing. Blessings to you this Easter weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh wow....what an amazing quote.
    FLEE it or FIX it!
    That is so true....oh thanks for your COMPASSION,
    Lord!
    Wow.
    Really needed to read that.
    Thank you.
    And much love and grace to you
    and to us all
    as He takes us into wholeness
    where we receive and channel His love
    like the very air we breathe.
    -Jennifer

    ReplyDelete
  10. Good piost JBR. I'm at a ponit in my life where I can least loook someine in the eye and fele for themPryaing this happens to you. Happy Easter

    ReplyDelete
  11. Praying for you this Easter weekend, blessings to you my dear friend.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think you under estimate yourself - you have come to my blog, read my words, felt my pain, and left me comforting words. I think you have reached that goal, but the critisism you were raised with prevents you from seeing yourself as you are. I see you. You are wonderful.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi JBR...I think it's neat you and I both have bears on our posts...☺ Wishing you a renewed sense of His joy...His love...His peace....Happy Easter.

    ReplyDelete
  14. JBR: you have overcome so much, I cannot imagine you not battling past these barriers and being the person YOU are inside to the whole world. Have a great Easter weekend!!! ((JBR))

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yes you have overcome a lot, I pray for you

    ReplyDelete