I have had a rough week. Since our department has moved, a little over two weeks now, I have only been in the new office twice in those two weeks. Mainly because, my primary job keeps me at the original office a guarantee of one day, and possibly two. But, in these last two weeks I ended up being in the original office most of the time. There has been a lot of strife among my co-workers since the move. Which does not help matters.
Last week I was planning on FINALLY spending time in the new destination until Wednesday when I became sick and have not been back to work since then. What is that all about God, huh? That is another post in itself. Although I can probably sum it up in two words, "Time Out." So despite still not feeling well, yesterday I did go into work. In order to try and catch up as best I could. But, come Monday, I will once again be in the original office all day.
Where am I going with this post......
The move and change of surroundings have not been too kind. A lot of unresolved emotions are coming out in us. Especially "yours truly." The lack of participation at the new place, and the sudden change for me of some job responsibilities has me on edge, worried and discouraged. To the point, that I feel out of the loop. Having no say so. Detached. Not present. Very much alone. When I get this way, I get the eerie feeling of dread in my soul. (Same type of curse I refer to from my previous post) Something the enemy plays Big Time with me. Something I have to constantly fight.
This kind of presence is evil itself, trying to work its way into my soul and thinking. I have tasted this presence too many times before and it is like a dark heaviness. Having to pray ahead of time more for Jesus to cover myself and my place of work by His blood. Bind up every demon spirit that is in there and ask for mighty giant warrior angels to protect me.
What continues to impress upon my heart undeniably is the fact that if I were at the point of having my self worth so very strong and totally rooted in Christ, most of my struggles, definitely the way I perceived situations negatively would improve or become non-existent. Just not there yet.....
I so understand the feeling
ReplyDeleteyou describe so well.
It happens to me when situations
strip me down to my insecurities.
Fear and dread....ugh.
When it happens, which it does alot,
I ask the Lord to please love me
"right there"....right in that place that
is exposed and feeling so vulnerable and
frightened. Those places in me don't get
exposed to the light and love of the Lord
unless something sets me off and I "go there"
and then can ask Him to go there with me and
love me in that place where there is such
wounding and darkness.
It hurts so awfully bad while it's happening.
I ache for you as you go through this pain
but know that it can be healing pain if you ask
Him to come into it and pour His balmy love
"right there."
Asking Him to do that for you right now.
With you, friend.
-Jennifer
no, not there yet, but definitely on the way! Don't forget that the old familiar dreads and fears are one of satan's favorite clouds of evil that he loves to see us fall into. You are right in claiming Jesus strength in those times JBR. I don't know anyone who doesn't have to do the same thing. Satan knows exactly what gets us down. You just keep standing, and claiming HIS grace and victory... it is your birthright as His child.
ReplyDeletexo
Don't get down on yourself hon, you are doing just fine. Being sick adds to the whole mess, rest, heal and just spend time with God.
ReplyDeletePraying for you,
<><
Because, as you know, I'm not sure there is a "God", but not wanting to offend Him if He really is there - I live as if there is a God - Just in case... So my point is, if you were praying for some way to make the move easier, or however, you might have had that prayer answered - you got ill and were allowed to remove yourself from the stressful situation for a few days. I believe in always being careful what you pray for, because I don't think we always get it the way we want it. I'm just saying... :)
ReplyDeleteJBR Satan loves to play with our emotions. Remember that. You're doing great and I'm in agreement with your readers on progress. You're doing great. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteSatan is the master at playing on our emotions. He is an evil force that tries to get us to give up. Stay strong. JBR God is with you always.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, dear one.
ReplyDeleteYour progress has been remarkable when you think about it, JBR. No doubt that the evil one doesn't like to see this and tries to attack you but he is no match for our Lord! Keep your chin up, my friend! Remember, you have a lot of prayer warriors interceding for you!
ReplyDeleteBe gentle with yourself, my friend! (I know, its been a long time since I've stopped by...but I was thinking of you.)
ReplyDeletelis et. al.