"Daddy it is too hard!
I am tired.
I am sick.
I am in pain both emotionally and physically.
I am afraid.
I feel alone and uncertain.
I am discouraged.
I want to give up."
That is me "currently" in a nutshell.
That being said, I heard on the internet yesterday a preacher talk about how God will not give up on us.
God will not accept our resignation. To quit.
These past few years have had many painful seasons that He has walked with me through. Still many to come. As hard as some of these seasonal pangs have been, 'they were not for not.'
At the time I certainly did not enjoy reliving or rehashing painful memories. Memories that I stuffed so far down, I did not even know existed. With each opportunity of growing closer to God and counseling, a bit more of trust would emerge to break down another layer of walls. To reveal a very little and frightenly hurt JBR. So afraid to come out from behind her walls. To speak about her pain. Shaking in her little boots.
But, who then would be able to finally begin to get in touch with some feelings that she had not felt in years. Especially anger and grief (loss of childhood). More feelings to come though as she continues her healing.
JBR prevailed!
So now I sense some "big" gates are ready to be opened. That is if I do not quit!
If I were to quit, I would miss out on what He has planned for me. He is ready to bring the fire of His presence. In a day, He can turn everything around. He is ready to send a fresh new spirit. God will give me, give you, give all of us what we need to go forward. For our own personal journeys to restoration. He is in your pain with you. He knows exactly what will get us through. We just need to continue or begin to trust Him. Completely.
I hear Him crumbling up my resignation note and tossing it back to earth.....
Is He doing the same with yours?
Thank you JBR for this post. I can certainly relate to not wanting to relive painful memories that "I've stuffed so far down." A few of which are coming to the surface, and to be brutally honest, today was a day I said in frustration, this is really one of those days I wished I was dead. Now that took a lot for me to even write that here. So I'm quickly going to post my comment before I delete it. God bless.
ReplyDeleteKerrie, I appreciate your honesty. Pain is not fun to go through. It was not fun during the time we experienced it either. But, we did the only thing would could do to survive at the time, and that was to shut off. Kerrie, I have learned the only way to healing, is to go through the pain. After that...... freedom! Wishing you the best on your journey!
ReplyDeleteJBR inspiring post! I can benefit from your tanasity and determination. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteHI JBR
ReplyDeleteAs I forged on through my healing journey the memory work was so hard - but the good part is you only have to do it once - once you remember "it" cannot haunt you any more.
Love Gail
peace....
GREAT post sister! I'm reminded of Galatians 6:9 "So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up."
ReplyDeleteStand firm in your faith.
Stand in the pain. (in Christ's strength)
All heaven in rejoicing with each step of faith you take!
Blessings,
Cherie
the good news is that he wont quit on you either, so just tossing it back imagine him sitting by the desk with you to talk about it...
ReplyDeleteThis is a fantastic post for all to read. What profound wisdom you are learning.
ReplyDeletePraying for you to keep pushing into the promise He has for you.
Blessings,
<><
I have ask God just to let me die, because the pain is more than I can bear. He just keeps telling me I'm not finished with you yet. JBR you bless me so much, but I do feel your pain. I guess if God is not giving up neither should we. ((((((HUGS)))))))
ReplyDeleteAn Amazing posting God will not accept our resignation! I love how you wrote this and gave your story. I pray you don't give up but hang in there God is cheering you on.
ReplyDeleteJBR, I love your post! So wise and encouraging. Indeed, God will give us whatever we need to go forward. I look forward to seeing what great things He does in your life.
ReplyDeleteThis statement really spoke to me:
ReplyDelete"If I were to quit, I would miss out on what He has planned for me."
Great reminder to keep on pressing on...
I needed this. I need to press through and find the ROOT of issues in my life. Scary, but I cannot and will not quit.
ReplyDeleteBless you friend. Freedom is close!
Great post, JBR! You're right - no way will He let us resign and it will all be worth the struggle in the end. Hugs!!
ReplyDeleteI really like this post, you're right He will not let us resign and gives us the strength to soldier on.
ReplyDeleteBlessings..
Thanks for speaking out my thoughts /feelings...i am always on the road and always, HE REJECTS MY RESIGNATION LETTER!.. Right this moment i feel like writing another letter but i hear my spirit -man singing instead every morning when i wake up, hence the strength to continue GOING ON.
ReplyDeleteyou belong to him and he will not let you go and Im glad
ReplyDeleteYes and He knows exactly how much we can can handle even though it seems impossible at times. You are doing very hard work and you are in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteJBR, it is with great pleasure that I see you are still trudging ever onward in your path of healing :) Me too! Thank you for the reminder that He hasn't given up on us. Your Buffalo Bills' fan and friend from CS.
ReplyDeletelis.et.al I have often thought about you. Your email address does not work. Just letting you know. Thank you for your comments dear one. Glad you are still around as well.
ReplyDelete