I am doing a bit better with not beating myself up. When I say a "bit better," I mean after I find myself beating myself up about something, I am recognizing it sooner. So, I "try" not to repeat the action over in succession.
Beating myself up in my case means: Me, verbally attacking my character. Not allowing myself to be human and make mistakes. Feeling like a failure. Don't measure up. Calling myself, "stupid," "dummy" or other four letter words when I feel more inadequate than normal and think people are judging and laughing at me. Self loathing. Also reprimanding myself for something that "I felt" is expected of me to have known. Then there is the physical aspect of my beating up on myself where I will slap, hit or even bang my head/face as punishment.
Yesterday at work I found a few times beating myself up. But each time, I was quicker to realize this needs to stop. Whether it was getting furious with myself under my breath over something I had no control over, or hitting myself on the side of the head because in my eyes "I should have known something," I am slowly realizing little JBR does not deserve this abuse from the older one. Big JBR needs to accept the grace that not only her heavenly Father offers, but also then extend it to the little one as well.
Every part of you deserves to be treated well-- both Little and Big JBR. It's so hard to be kind to ourselves sometimes, but here's a trick that sometimes works for me: when you are beating yourself up over something, ask yourself "Would I say the same thing to my best friend if he/she had done this?" If the answer is no, then it's likely that you're being too hard on yourself. Wishing you well, NOS
ReplyDeleteSounds like the devil is having a field day in your soul. Know that Christ in you can overcome ANYTHING . . . don't ever believe otherwise. And when the enemy rushes in like a flood, just tell Him it's Your God that parts the waters!
ReplyDeleteBlessings, praying for you,
Cherie
Would you say those things to anyone else? Would you ever treat someone even if they made a mistake like that? This kind of assault is a way of keeping us from finding the peace and love God offers his children.
ReplyDeleteWe can't spread love and peace to others when we don't even feel it for ourselves. Don't take the bait just accept the love God offers you and know you are his perfect child.
Great you are recognizing when you are beating up little JBR. I find also it's a difficult thing to recognize. take care
ReplyDeleteJust stopping by to give you a big HUG. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteHI JBR - It is good you know when you are being unfair to yourself. Life is unfair enough without us dding to it!! Those old tapes in your head need to be erased and replaced with validations of YOU!
ReplyDeleteLove Gail
peace.....
GIRL YOU ARE GROWING SO MUCH. SELF REALIZATOIN IS ALL PART OF THE PLAN. BEING GENTLE WITH YOURSELF IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT AS YOU HEAL.
ReplyDeleteOh My God I'm sorry you do this to yourself. But understanding the reaSons behind your actions I hope.
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome and wonderfully made. There will come a time where you realize what others think doesn't matter. It's all about you and God. And God loves you unconditionally.
ReplyDeleteThat you are noticing it more quickly and trying to put a halt to it is a good sign, JBR. Sometimes the mind is such a battlefield, especially for those who were raised in dysfunctional households or have been gravely injured psychologically. The devil preys on our weak points. Still, the grace of God is so much more powerful. Capture the negative thoughts in Christ and read the Scriptures that speak of God's love - this can be a tremendous avenue of healing. The Word of God is powerful! Hugs to you, my friend. I am praying.
ReplyDeleteI've said it before, like a deep wound that needs its scab removed, the process may be painful but it is a way of making it heal. May the Lord's grace sustain you for your healing inside out. God bless.
ReplyDeleteWe can be our own worst enemies.
ReplyDeleteJBR, I am praying for you in this. The things we say to ourselves are sometimes the most harmful, aren't they? Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteOh JBR. My heart goes out to you. May you find comfort in him first and then yourself. You're so worthy. Praying one day you really see this. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteHey, don't do that to my friend! (((hugs))) I'm so glad you are catching yourself and not walking deeper into the abuse. You deserve happiness, love, grace, and acceptance -- even with yourself. (Did that even make sense? It did in my head.)
ReplyDeleteI pray this will be a good day for you!
Love,
Beth
As time goes on you will definitely move forward and not be so hard on yourself. So glad you are recognizing it. It is not easy to break a habit we have been doing for many years.
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