There is a reoccurring memory that pops up frequently. Usually discarding it as such. Never could pin-point its meaning until this morning.
I was in elementary school. Around 8 years old. Standing in the lunch line outside the doors of the cafeteria. Lunch ticket in my hand. Requirement for us kids to get our lunches.
Somehow during the course of this one particular day in line, just before we kids were let in to receive our lunches, I noticed the lunch ticket not in my hand anymore. Major panic!!!
I remember going in to flight or fight mode!
Recalling the memory this morning, I actually felt the panic, fear and hopelessness that went through my little body in losing that lunch ticket. For this memory to reside in my conscience for so many years, is very significant.
I mean, should an eight year old suffer from panic attacks that young? Is that a normal response for an eight year old? To go into panic mode and not just sluff it off? What happened to me back then that made me become so fearful?
I felt like I did something wrong and needed to correct it! That I was not responsible or something. I would be reprimanded or punished if I lost that ticket and would not be able to eat.
I remembered quickly scurrying around behind me. Finally finding my lunch ticket in the bushes a few feet behind me. How it got there I do not know? I know I was relieved in finding it.
I have always thought about this incident and its meaning when it would come up. Did I engage in so much conversation with my fellow-classmates that day, that I lost all site of the ticket being in my hand that I just released it to the world?
Comments are welcomed. I am just journaling my thoughts here in order to process. Thanks.
JBR it's good to process. Let God continue to heal your wounds and memories. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteFear can overtake even the youngest mind.
ReplyDeleteI virtually lived in fear during childhood
ReplyDeleteSometimes memories comes and goes. And they gives us different feelings and sometimes revelation. Maybe God is telling you something about that incident? Like you were lost, but now you are found? JUst puffed up in my mind. have a nice pondering day JBR.
ReplyDeleteHold fast to that which is good (1 Thessalonians ch.5 v.21) came straight into my mind as I read your post.
ReplyDeleteNothing worse that loosing your lunch ticket at age 8. Happy you found it..relief.
ReplyDeleteI've been filled with fear all my life and school was horrible because of that. My dreams are also full of fear. I hate my dreams, but I am learning to live with them. The brain has to deal with stuff, I guess.
ReplyDeleteAgain, just my opinion. I think how we respond is determined both by our personality and our environment. My one daughter panics when she drops something or does something wrong. It is us reminding her that it is replaceable and okay because it was an accident. Her personality likes everything "just so" in her room and schooling. She likes to have lists to do things. She kind of likes a controlled environement and puts a lot of pressure on herself. I don't know if that is your personality or just fear because of the environment you lived in. My same daughter also struggled when my dad and grandma died. All of my kids did, but she responded differently. She began to hold on to things and not be able to "lose" anything. Well, I didn't mean to write so much or throw out so many examples. Hope that is helpful and not more confusing...trusting God will reveal.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you finally understood the meaning of that dream, and journaling through it is the best..I did the same!
ReplyDeleteif you think back...what teacher would have made you go without a meal? you may have been taking on a little more burden than was necessary or intended...
ReplyDeleteFor as far back as I can remember, I have been an anxious person. Even though I am better today, I remember times that if I didn't have something to worry about, I would think of something! I know that I just don't have the time and energy to waste on worrying these days, and when I keep my eyes focused on God, I realize I truly have nothing to worry about. :)
ReplyDeleteEncouragement and blessings to you JBR,
Denise