"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Monday, November 05, 2012

LETTING MEMORIES IN

Again, some of you showed interest from the last repost of last week. From the book, "The Courage to Heal." I will try and repost on Monday's a few more chapters from the book in the next coming weeks. Some chapters are more sensitive and explicit than others. For those I will put up a Trigger Warning.

Keep in mind these posts are in original form, with my original text from three years ago. What I personally shared was what I was experiencing then.

Today's repost pertains to Letting Memories In:


****Possible Triggers****

“Few survivors feel that they have control over their memories. Most feel that the memories have control of them, that they do not choose the time and place that a new memory will emerge. You may be able to fight them off for a time, but the price-nightmares, headaches, exhaustion-is not worth staving off the inevitable.

Not everyone can tell when a memory is coming, but many survivors do get warnings, a certain physical sensation or feeling, that clues them in. Your stomach may get tight. You may sleep poorly or have frightening dreams. Or you may be warned in other ways:

I always know when they’re coming. I get very tense. I get very scared. I get snappy at things that ordinarily wouldn’t make me angry. I get sad. Usually it’s anger and anxiety and fear that come first. And I have a choice. It’s a real conscious choice. It’s either I want it or I don’t want it. And I said, “I don’t want it,” a lot. When I did that, I would just get sicker and sicker. I’d get more depressed. I’d get angry irrationally.

Now I don’t say I don’t want it. It’s not worth it. My body seems to need to release it. The more I heal, the more I see these memories are literally stored in my body, and they’ve got to get out. Otherwise I’m going to carry them forever.”
(Courage to Heal)

Another woman shares,

“The more I worked on the abuse, the more I remembered. First I remembered my brother, and then my grandfather. About six months after that I remembered my father. And then about a year later, I remembered my mother. I remembered the “easiest” first and the “hardest” last. Even though it was traumatic for me to realize that everyone in my family abused me, there was something reassuring about it. For a long time I’d felt worse than the initial memories should have made me feel, so remembering the rest of the abuse was actually one of the most grounding things to happen. My life suddenly made sense.” (Courage to Heal)

Do you see yourself in any of this?

It seems that once we have accepted that we were abused and are not in denial, and remembering much about our abuse, certain things come into perspective, as the author above stated, “My life suddenly made sense.”

I am not forwarned if a new memory arises despite feeling uptight most of the time, angry at things I should not be, and extremely sad and depressed (those two have been a part of my life).

Through much prayer now, if I find myself struggling with recollection of a memory, I tend to eventually remember more to the incident. Not necessarily at that moment. May take a day, a week, a month, etc. All in God's timing, if so be it! I believe it all depends on the individual also and how much they are willing to let go and how truly they want to be healed into freedom!

A lot of the time it is extremely frightening remembering, recalling as I do this by myself or in a safe environment at my t. session. A lot of the time "I just do not want to go there!" I become so frighten! I do know and I am reassured, that once I face these fears, "the monsters" will be so much easier to handle!! So, with that in mind, that is the "hope" I hold on to!!!!

When alone, if I feel I really need to see more into a particular memory, I try and become more relaxed and not "try so hard." Now, I am only speaking for myself. Everyone is different. A lot of you do not want to even face anymore than you already know, and I certainly can understand that, and that is okay!

I had to take a breather the other day, as I was having a difficult time processing, so I too need to be cautious and know my limitations and not end up in a tailspin.

7 comments:

  1. HI GRACE - Once I was safe in my journey with a trusted therapist I fought for every memory. I knew any memory left unknown would haunt me and be tantalizing me with its detail. I also learned how to manage my memories - it took some time but I did it. I promised 'Annie' (thekid inme) that I wuld give her a voice every night for a half hour or so - and I kept that promise so if I was starting to feel the fear and tension of a new memory or new detail I would talk to myself (Annie), promising her and me that we would release it together later. So be the name of my blog, "KNOW YOUR ITS", because our truths are our pathway to freedom. I SO applaud your journey - keep on remembering and take charge of how and when you allow yourself to emerge in the memory, remember, 'it' is NOT happening now - YOU are in charge.

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    1. Gail, I so appreciate you sharing your insights on this book every time I re-post. Hugs to you my dear.

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  2. We used this book in our support group years ago.. Excellent book and helps a lot. Blessings and hugs!

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    1. Colleen, so good always to see you. I know what you have gone through and your book especially blessed me. Thank you for sharing. Hugs.

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  3. I think it must suck everything out of the enemy when we take things that have been so damaging to us, like memories, and cover them with the light of the Lord. Then they can't hurt us or cause destruction anymore.

    God bless you, my friend!

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  4. So glad you shared this, love you.

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  5. JBR, so appropriate for me again,especially at the moment, thank you.
    I don't get any warning either about the memories surfacing. Blessings and thank you for sharing.

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