and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23
My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.
Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.
Daddy let me be secure in You only!
Saturday, November 03, 2012
I had an interesting memory surface just now. I was scanning the tv channels and I came across, of all things, a Partridge Family episode. It was the end of the program. The family was playing Monopoly. Keith Partridge (David Cassidy) landed on one of Danny's properties and Keith was trying to bribe Danny in not making him pay and lose all his money.
Anyway, flash back to my dad, my mum, my brother and me. We were playing Monopoly one night. At the dinner table. This memory just surfaced with gusto and a "rush of shame." Wow! Had not remembered what I felt that night until now. I was around five when this incident took place.
Since I did not have the concept of money (still do not at times), real estate, let alone the rules of the game, my dad apparently landed on one of my properties. I do not even know how I obtained the property. I think I just liked playing with the little metal toys. I am sure I was helped throughout the game.
I then recall how my dad was trying to bribe me somehow so he did not have to pay out. I can see my dad actually talking to me. Me looking up at him questioning what he was saying. Again having no concept of the game. I think I was just excited that our family was participating in something together.
Then as clear as it was yesterday, I can hear my mum then yelling at my dad, "Walter, you can't do that. She doesn't know." I can feel what I felt then. Which was, and I will talk as Little JBR, "stupid and dumb."
I think the "she doesn't know" bit got me! Even though I was so young, I wanted to know. It was already instilled in me to be expected to know what I was doing from my dad. But, I did not know what was going on. Did not know my dad was trying to con his little girl so that he would not lose. Having my mum very upset with him. Adults were talking grown-up talk and arguing about something that pertained to me. And even to this day I struggle when I do not grasp hold of a concept quickly or someone is pulling the wool over my eyes. I get the shame, dumb feeling. Even though I know better now that I am none of those. My little girl finds her way back into these hurt areas from time to time.
Wow, where did this memory come from.....?