"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, November 15, 2012


I am a survivor of incest.

Although my life has been evident of the abuse, right now I just know God understands and is grieved. Understands my emotions and why and how I react/respond in some areas today because of the abuse. Why I still cannot connect yet to the pain. Too scary. My little girl is not ready just yet.

Had therapy tonight. Confirmed earlier what I shared above. Journaling while this memory is still fresh and before I forget.....

We went to the sexual abuse deeper tonight. The molestation from my brother. Was able to talk more in detail about the abuse. Reliving the actual events. Although very hard. Stammering and choking on my words as I tried to reveal what I was feeling presently and back then. Fear. All the while knowing how hard it is to face the feeling and fear of the abuse again. Pain I have blocked out so many years.

Weather at this time of year and inadamant objects affect me greatly as I transfer my feelings on to them. Brings up a detaching mode. Was discovered I transfer my pain/sadness to other things than myself. And for now I will not let my little girl feel. When it comes to the abuse. She remains scared.

Yet, there is hope:

Sexual Abuse Survivor - Is There Hope? -- Excerpts From All About Life Changes

If you are a sexual abuse survivor, you have survived a terrible ordeal and are perhaps looking for some understanding and some peace of mind. I do not have all the answers, but I am a sexual abuse survivor and I can identify with the feelings you are experiencing. I have finally found peace of mind and I would like to share with you some thoughts on how to overcome this unimaginable pain.

Do you know why you're a survivor? Some may call it fate, survival of the fittest, mental or emotional fortitude, or divine intervention. What is it for you?

Sexual Abuse Survivor - Accepting The Past

Sexual abuse survival involves accepting the past abuse - facing the fact that it happened. No matter what type of sexual abuse (whether incest or a by stranger) or how tragic its consequences, acceptance of the past is vital. Accepting the past is an essential step toward not only surviving, but to overcoming.

Examine your past, with a trained professional, if possible. Look at how you coped with the abuse while it was occurring.

What were your thoughts? Did you feel anger, hatred, or melancholy?
Did you blame yourself or perhaps feel guilty (or unclean)?
Did you turn inward, living in your own world?
Did you tell someone? Did that person ignore you?
Did you ignore the abuse and hope it would go away?
Did you pray to God and ask Him to intercede, but the abuse continued?
How did you feel about yourself? About others? Were there trust issues? If so, with whom?
Were there problems with authority?
Were you distant and aloof, perhaps shy - struggling to communicate like other children?
Or did you hide by being outgoing when you were really in a state of denial? Maybe you were afraid to turn inward and deal with the onslaught of feelings and thoughts. Maybe you just didn't know what to do or how you felt.

Not surprisingly, what happened to us in the past is often carried into the present.

Sexual Abuse Survivor - Living In The Present

If you're a sexual abuse survivor, how are things going now? As a survivor myself (incest/homosexual activities by my grandfather), I confess that I struggle with the effects of sexual abuse - feelings of anger, hatred, sadness, guilt, and shame toward my abuser and indirectly toward myself. Sometimes these feelings and thoughts can get in the way, interfering with other relationships. As a sexual abuse survivor, do you experience similar feelings? Do you ever wonder why me, what did I ever do to deserve the abuse? If so, you are not alone.

Unfortunately, these feelings and thoughts do not magically disappear. From personal experience and from talking with other adult survivors of sexual abuse, I've discovered we share and exhibit similar thoughts and feelings, yet struggle to find an outlet. As a survivor, I simply want to be heard and understood. I want someone I can identify with. I want to be told that I am okay. When a person has been abused sexually, thoughts like I'm not ok and I will never be okay seem to become ingrained in the psyche. In addition, there are often problems with self-acceptance, guilt, condemnation, feelings of never measuring up, and so on. Those feelings are incorrect. We are okay, and we can live a life of victory!

A proactive approach to dealing with past abuse involves getting help and taking an introspective look at what happened. Tragically, many sexual abuse survivors choose to avoid help. The confusion of unresolved sexual abuse can lead some people to go from victim to perpetrator. Or the survivor learns to cope through self-abuse, like drugs and alcohol or develops an addiction to sex or pornography. Many abuse survivors believe they cannot get past what happened to them.

If the abuse came from the same sex, this may unfortunately lead to later interaction with same sex. If the abuse was perpetrated by someone of the opposite sex, such as a father and daughter, the daughter often seeks to fill this void through promiscuity. She is really looking for love, and has learned that she will find it through sexual activity. Of course, she does not find love, but heartache and sometimes more abuse or even disease. These lies can only lead to shattered hearts and lives.

If the need or void is not dealt with proactively, the abuse often survives in the survivor. Shadows of the abuse live on in various forms, because the abuse victim looks for satisfaction in the wrong ways or places. Having never known genuine love, the abuse survivor can only imitate love in return.

Is there a way to overcome the past? I believe there is. Let's take a look at some possible solutions for healing sexual abuse.

Sexual Abuse Survivor - Can Life Be Worth Living?

As a sexual abuse survivor, you may be asking, can I really move past just surviving and have a life worth living? The answer is YES! YES you can!

You may have heard the phrase: "If it feels good, do it." Perhaps that is how you have been living your life. You are in a standstill, just doing what makes you feel good, loved, and accepted. Maybe that still involves the abuse or some attribute of the abuse. This does not have to be your life!

Maybe you're already beginning to realize that there is more to life than what happened yesterday. As a sexual abuse survivor, I've known emptiness. I know what it feels like to have a deep need for love and acceptance.

Blaise Pascal, a philosopher from the age of enlightenment, determined that there is a God-shaped hole, or vacuum, inside every human being that can only be filled by God. You may have heard stories of sex abuse survivors whose lives have been changed. Maybe you even know someone like that - and you long to be like them. You want to move beyond just coping with the past - you want to be changed! You long for a life of victory.

Sexual Abuse Survivor - Understanding The Longings In Your Soul

That longing you feel is the hole or the void that Pascal mentioned. Only God can fill that vacuum with His unconditional love and acceptance. What's more - He longs to do just that! God became a man in Jesus Christ and lived among humans, so He can identify with us in our humanity. He calls us His beloved and wants us to experience His love. In the Bible, we read 1 John 3:1, which says, "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him." God accepts us just as we are when we come to Him.

Sexual Abuse Survivor - How To Move From Surviving To Overcoming

As a sexual abuse survivor, you can overcome! Isn't that exciting news? How does overcoming work? For starters, God promises us that when we come to Him, we get a brand new beginning. In Jesus Christ, we become new creations! 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" The Word of God says in Jesus Christ we are overcomers: "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21). God has already done the work for us, and He loves us just as we are.

As a sexual abuse survivor, you have been through a lot. Learning to live as a new creation is like a toddler learning to walk. The toddler takes it one step at a time.

Physically, we remain injured and will carry the scars as long as we live. But God promises He is there and will never leave us. "…Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5). He is there when our minds recall situations, and when our mind, will, and emotions are in darkness and despair. When we suffer mental anguish and condemnation, God is there.

As sexual abuse survivors, we'll find it difficult to reconcile thoughts and feelings regarding love and acceptance. Because of our past, we'll know feelings that combat, tear, and rip the heart and soul apart. No one should have to experience what we have been through. But there is hope.

Because God sent His Son to die for us (John 3:16), we can know that we have value and worth. As a sexual abuse survivor, this concept is hard to wrap the mind around - but it's necessary if we're going to move from a survivor to an overcomer.

The essence of overcoming is realizing that love and acceptance are essential to our healing. We can't do this on our own - in fact, it's impossible! Matthew 19:26 says, "…With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." - Excerpts From All About Life Changes


  1. You are an inspiration, bless you.

  2. Hun you have lived through a lot and you are a survivor and as survivor's and Children of God your right all things are possible and we are washed clean. I think for me that was one of the hardest things to realize through severe abuse from my mom and being raped by my husband (and yes a husband can rape you unfortunately)to come to terms with I did nothing to cause it God still loves me and I am not broken I am whole and clean. This is beautifully written. Wish I could give you a hug in person. Thank you for sharing all of this with us..It takes a lot of courage to write it all out..(((((JBR))))) And may you be blessed for the rest of you life my dear one!

    Hugs and Blessings,

  3. Thankyou for being brave enough to share on such a topic. Not many Christian writings on the internet that tackle this topic. You did it with grace and ease.

    I'm a survior to.


  4. Thank you for sharing.
    Thank you for your support and encouragement, kind words on my recent blog post, much appreciated.
    Safe Hugs and smiles to you JBR.

  5. JBR, thanks for sharing this excerpt. I can so identify with the pain and shame of the past abuse and also with the hope of the present and the future because of God's Grace that covers all and makes us new creations.

  6. Thank you about being so open. Sometimes the pain is more than I can bear so I just block out the whole thing. That doesn't work. Thank you about being so up front in your blog.

  7. Oh, JBR, my heart breaks for how you have suffered and how it continues to bring pain into your life!! I doubt that there is anything that I could say to make it any better, but please know that I do care.

  8. I am so sorry you have endured sexual abuse! I cannot fathom anything more heartbreaking this. I have not had to deal with type of suffering. but have friends who have. Thank you for talking/writing about it.

  9. Wow, so much pain to have to face it and I can't imagine how it can be done without Jesus. Saying a prayer for you right now. So glad you lean on Him.

  10. You're making awesome progress sis!!! You've heard this before and I'll be another in a long line of folks to say it again, it takes courage to tell it like it is and to share such deep pain with the world. You're helping someone somewhere!! None of it happened for nothing, it all has purpose. Big hugs and blessings..keep going..!✿❀ڿڰۣ

  11. I can imagine the pain that you might felt and my prayer is you will be healed from all the pain, be released and forgive. You are on the way.
    Thinking about so much about my past just make me feel the pain , so I try to think what is now and Make the best out of it. But we do deal with our pain differently.
    Anyway, we have to deal with present pain too that we encounter in our everyday lives now. Thanks be to God for help. Jesus suffered pain too knows how we feels.

  12. So thankful for God and what He is doing in your life and the lives of others with your willingness to share. May God continue to bless you on this journey.

  13. you are a warrior! one who'll slaughter this dragon too!!! love and hugs!

  14. Hugs and wishing you a beautiful Sunday out there.

  15. I salute those people who are strong enough to face their past, particularly their experience with sexual abuse. Surviving that kind of situation is so hard for me to imagine. But they were able to stand and speak out all those anguish they’ve been keeping for years. It must have been really hard for you to write this, but I know this would help you heal and go back to your normal life. You’re so courageous! Keep it up!

    >Vesta Duvall

  16. To survive such terrible acts and senseless crimes I think that the men and women who are open enough to talk and write about abuse are so brave and courageous. I hope that people going through the same things find hope in these blogs.
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