The Lord revealed to me the other day, and it was confirmed today in therapy as well from my therapist, the extreme fear that overcomes me when I see a certain kind of man or a bunch of men in a group.
Appearance wise it is the stocky build/muscular kind of men that frighten me the most. My brother has always been stocky. I also cringe at the aggressive and touchy feely kind who get too close for comfort.
Through affirmation from my therapist that the lack of boundaries and sexual trauma I experienced with my brothers, first boyfriend sexual encounter at 14 it appears, and other incidents from boys from Junior High School, contributed to the fears of vulnerability and the possibility of being attacked and over powered.
The Lord is trying to deal with me in this area. I am seeing more and more how He is placing or creating situations where I am in close proxicimity with men of this stature I described above. Trying to reassure me again, like my therapist, that not all men are like those that abused me in the past.
This is not easy to deal with. Very uncomfortable for my little girl.
HI GRACE - and as you become more aware and make choices that always keep the little girl in you feeling safe the fear will lessen and you will be empowered. I know this to be true. I promise.
ReplyDeleteLove Gail/Annie <3
JBR I'm so very sorry for the abuse. God has everything under control. Putting exactly what you need to heal in your path. He's the great master planner and healer. Happy Easter and God Bless.
ReplyDeleteone step at a time...God is so gracious to us as He leads us down the healing path...Easter blessings!
ReplyDeleteJBR, I am literally going through the same healing you are going through right now. The Lord brought this to my attention last night and He still wants me to heal!
ReplyDeleteStay strong JBR! Daddy will get us and others through it!
JBR, I pray for your healing and that you also have a blessed Easter.
ReplyDeleteKen
Wishing you a happy Easter, Grace. Also wishing you peace and the strength you need to deal with this pain and fear.
ReplyDelete(((GRACE)))
ReplyDeleteCovering you with love and prayers.
ReplyDeletePraying for you today. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to change how our mind sees things but I am praying that you can overcome these fears. Each person/man is unique and not like those you have been hurt by. This is not the same but when my husband left me I was in such deep pain that he would be flooded with girls hanging all over him. My dearest friend, who actually helped me so much, told me just because you find him sexy doesn't mean anyone else will. I also dated someone and I obviously trust issues. This one guy told me "don't blame or hold things against me that I didn't do to you!" ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteHad to pop in and wish you a very happy Easter JBR.....Truth always trumps lies. And His truth definitely does. Hugs from my heart to yours.
ReplyDeletelove to you in your leaning in
ReplyDeleteto the healer....so much restoration
happening in and to and for you.
you are treasured and loved,
Jennifer
It's understandable why you would react to such type of men you described the way you do. I'm glad that you're doing your best to face such events in the light that it is a part of His restoration for you. I pray that you'll always be strong by His grace. Happy Lord's Resurrection to you sister Grace.
ReplyDeleteI remember learning this about myself when I first entered therapy. Before this, I had no idea I was afraid of men like my father. It helps to understand why we are afraid.
ReplyDeleteI've had an incident at work that showed me how my thinking has been irrational..I was so busy trying to protect a perpetrator,and just not deal with my own safety and those of others...I finally made a report of the incident and the Lord revealed to me that I face this fear down..for here I was more concerned about 'rocking the boat, it's not that big of a deal, your going to get him in trouble, your going to be a snitch'..all these lies kept going through my head. It also made me realize that doing the right thing is hard, very hard. You can lose friends, you can make people not want to be with you anymore when you share the truth about what is not acceptable and should be stopped...I told my hubby.." I can see why people don't do the right thing sometimes'...I'm done protecting a bully, I'm done living in fear, I'm done pushing my boundaries back...what's wrong is wrong and that is all there is to it...plain and simple. Unacceptable...
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