and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23
My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.
Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.
Daddy let me be secure in You only!
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Core pain really is painful!
I know I have had a lot of healing these past five years in many areas. With my new job facing authority/responsibility from someone who is job driven and very critical has my little girl shaking in her boots once again. Fearing failure and facing ridicule/criticism is one of the hardest strongholds my Heavenly Daddy and I are going to have to conquer together in order to be set free. This one is a toughie. The tentacles wrap tightly around my heart's core.
Unfortunately, this fear constantly invades my thoughts 24/7. I hate it!
I am frustrated and VERY ANGRY that I am like this. To the point that I am FINALLY, yes I can say it and mean it now, Pissed!!!!!
Pissed at my mum and dad for shaming me and making me feel like crap all these years. Controlling me with this fear and then they not understanding why I cowared and even made it worse by enforcing the fear and telling me that I "should be more responsible and behave like a good little girl."
I am ANGRY that I have to suffer now for what my parents did to me!!! I did not have to turn out like this. It seems weird for me to full out blame my parents now, but I did nothing to deserve this cruelty to my self worth! Now I am justifiebly mad.
Wo--- what a Happy Father's Day! If my father was alive that is. Well, in essence he is, huh?
Even though I know better, I am blaming myself that I am not stronger with my Heavenly Daddy in fighting satan over these awful lies.
Fear and past hurts are exposed raw. Only my Heavenly Daddy can go so deep like no other and get to the root of this hurt.
OUCH is putting it mildly with this surgery! No anesthesia.
There are no words for the kind of tormenting fear that produces physical sickness, false thinking of being a failure and stupid when I feel I cannot accomplish something someone in authority tells me.
Just have to go through it and pray that I do NOT lose sight of my Heavenly Daddy.
What is different about this job when I first started six years ago and left after a year because of the stress and coming back to it again two weeks ago was back then I believed I was this failure. Now, I know I am not. Which makes it even harder and more painful for some reason. My core is exposed. I am too real now and it hurts really bad!
This is not fun Daddy!!