I spent a couple of hours with my mum this morning.
I never paid attention to how frequent she uses the word "should" in a sentence to me. I finally started keeping count today after I noticed that she was saying the word "should" or "should not" to me quite often.
JBR you "should" listen to me I'm your mother. You "should" wear this. You "should" call your brother he's the only living relative you have once I die." You "should" take this vitimin. You "should" read this. You "should" cook this. You "should" of reminded me of the celery. You "should" of told me what is in the refridgerator. You "should" of reminded me what I owe you for the water. You "should" tell me things. You "should" investigate this.
Those are the ones I could remember from today. The one that got me when I was leaving and she was kind of serious was, "I" (meaning herself) "should" go home with you. She is bored and lonely.
In the course of two hours she must of "should me" something over twenty times.
Now I see the guilt that I took on all my life that comes along with the "shoulds."
She shouldn't put those demands on you. I am so sorry. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteHopefully you can move past her words and only trust HIS!
I'm sorry JBR that your mother is that way. No demands should be placed on you out of guilt.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that our heavenly Father Accepts us as we are and never makes us feel guilty.
ReplyDelete(((Hugs))) sweet girl. Another revelation, one that will bring you closer to the healing you so desire.
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Interesting how you noticed that she's using that word a lot. I just wonder what it has in store for you in relation to your work place...Because I wonder, instead of you being reminded of fear, God put you back in the old job, not just for you to learn something, but for the people around you because they SHOULD learn and SHOULD see positive things that emanate from you as His child. Take care JBR! Have a great weekend.
ReplyDeleteOh-Oh-,You must first know I'm the Mother of four grown daughters.I'm most likely near your Mother's age.I have to watch out for that bit of info. you gave us. When your baby girls are born you think they will be so happy in life and you want the best for them.As they become adults it's so hard to step back when you think you can help.Please Lord I hope My girls do't say this about Me.Thank you for the reminder to step back over ad over again-I needed that bit of reminding ;)
ReplyDeleteMy type N keeps sticking because I split coffee on it :/.Sorry
DeleteMy mom does that a bit. It does affect our self-esteem.
ReplyDeleteYeah someone close to us or a parent can really affect our lives! Keep your head up JBR God is with you! Blessings!
ReplyDeleteI wrote in my journal today thanking God for setting me free from the dysfunction that my parents are still living, helping me to be honoring towards them BUT not going back into bondage...I tell ya girl..I still break down each day (no longer sobbing) in tears over the pain I've experienced, the rejection and abandonment that I continue to deal with from them...Tomorrow is Father's Day..my brother is coming over for supper with my family..don't ask me where my parents will be..'it's up to your mother' is what my dad stated two weeks ago.I told my brother that I will NO longer and I've encouraged him.. not to take the blame anymore. I get the should all the time also...so do my children..from their grandparents...it's toxic.As one day I was busy working things out in my head and a saying.."I'm not close to my parents' popped up..INSTANTLY I felt the Holy Spirit say..'Your parents are not close to you nor your family Angela..who is taking ownership now? No longer will you, for you are close to your parents, they are NOT close to you.' Talk about a light bulb moment..I took the blame, the responsibility for this relationship..and as someone stated..'do not place your self in the line of rejection all the time. They don't want to be a part of your life..so stop putting yourself in a place where they continue to reject you'...WOW...I placed myself out there for Father's Day..letting my dad know they are more than welcome to come to a bbq...yes I was rejected again,,but it was my boundaries, my 'this is where I am and if you want to great..if not..doesn't matter, I'm still going to have a wonderful time without you here'...I just finished reading someone's comment..yes, unhealthy relationships can effect our lives..some live broken all their live because of those relationships..especially if it started out in childhood..other's..like us..are doing everything to get whole and healtlhy..working through it, facing our fears and overcoming them..love ya beautiful one!~
ReplyDeleteWhy not say to her what you want to say?
ReplyDeleteSometimes is annoying to have a mother like that, but good to have a mother anyway.
Sending you love and hugs.
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