COPING

“Coping is what you did to survive the trauma of being sexually abused. And it’s what you do now to help you make it through each day.

Everyone copes differently. As a young survivor, you might have run away from home or turned to alcohol or drugs. You might have become a superachiever, excelling in school and taking care of your brothers and sisters at home. You might have blocked out huge parts of your past, withdrawn into yourself, or cut off your emotions. You might have used food to numb your feelings or sex as a way to prove your worth. Or you might have buried yourself in work. With limited resources for taking care of yourself, you survived using whatever means were available. Many survivors feel ashamed of the ways they coped. You may find it difficult to admit some of the things you had to do to stay alive. It may be hard to acknowledge what it takes now for you to get up and face each day. As a child in terrible circumstances, you responded the best that you could-and you have continued to do so. The crucial thing is that you survived. It’s important to honor your resourcefulness.” (The Courage to Heal)

Withdrawing and cutting off my emotions was my means of coping. Stuffing them. Would not question the abuse; my parents divorce; moving away; my parents alcoholism and the effect it had on me while growing up, etc. I never grieved any of these. I just became sad, pissed, withdrawn and fearful. When I did act-out in my teen years, it was in hiding. Would drink alone, would throw-up alone; would smoke alone; would be promiscuous at school never letting on to my mother I even had a boyfriend(s). Creating my own fantasy la-la-land world in my mind later on in my youth in order to get some kind of a rush and pleasure. Also, the fantasy world gave me ‘control.’ I could control my own world in whatever way I wanted to make me feel good, no matter how sick my world I created was.

I have since learned in t. that my coping mechanisms of survival were okay and that I should not feel ashamed as these tools kept me going. Still working on totally believing this, but it is getting easier as I become stronger!