Naturally any visit to my mum's does not go off without some kind of hitch. She was not satisfied with the flowers I brought her for Mother's Day. No 'thank you' just these words, "Where is my Mother's Day Card?" Naturally she had to show me my brother's card (who never goes out to buy her one, but makes it on his computer). That was okay. He sent no flowers. Whatever....
Just before I left to go home she pops this on me. She would like me to wash her floors from now on. She says it is getting hard for her.
I have to think of some kind of schedule. She wants me every week. No! I will NOT DO IT EVERY WEEK. I cannot give up my Saturdays to go wash floors. She will not hire anyone.
I cannot believe she even asked me to clean. Something she would not let me do in the past. She is very tight with her money and would not think of hiring a professional. Also with me she can DICTATE. And I mean dictate. She will tell me how to dip the mop in the bucket. How long to keep it in water. How much water to put on the floor. How many strokes. Not to rush the process, etc. She will control, supervise and make me nuts. With someone else she will have to trust them. She did not even trust me tonight to put the left overs in a plastic bag. She said I would not know how to divide them.
How old am I?
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23
My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.
Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.
Daddy let me be secure in You only!
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Oh wow! Unbelievable.
ReplyDeleteJBR,just tell her that your not old enough and then see what she says. Just kidding.I hope you don't have to go every week.
ReplyDeleteHang in there.
It's OK to just say no. Sounds like she has the funds to hire someone to do it, so that would be my suggestion. You don't deserve the emotional abuse. You should love her, but pray that God step in as you are too hurt by her.
ReplyDeleteare you sure we dont have the same mom?
ReplyDeletemine died in September, she was the exact same way as your mom! it always blows my mind he same upbringing and words written to us, nothing was ever good enough for my mom and I wasnt even allowed in the kitchen for the most part. I washed dishes for her once when she went to the sore and i NEVER HEARD THE END OF HOW AWFULL I WAS TO DO THEM!
I so understand your words!
My mother with mild dementia is like that JBR. She tries to supervise me sweeping, or opening a door, or cooking, or....the list goes on. The less she is able to do, the more she thinks she needs to tell me things I already know - like you need to put detergent in the washing machine. It takes alot of patience.
ReplyDeleteSHE'S TRYING TO CONTROL YOU STILL AT YOUR AGE. NOT A GOOD IDEA TO HELP HER. YOU COULD HELP ONCE IN AWHILE. NOT ALL THE TIME. SHE'LL EXPECT THAT FROM YOU.
ReplyDeleteJBR I know you come from a toxis background. Dealing with toxic parents, espeically a mother can be challenging. This is just one more boundary you will have to maintain You may have to distance yourself even more from your mother. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteNo "thank you?" I am so sorry about that. With my COPD I can't do a lot of housework anymore. We can afford a maid but I'm afraid to have one. I have always felt that once I have someone in my house I will get robbed. It's just one of my fears. So I asked my daughter to help about two years ago. However we paid her $10. and hour to clean for me. Now that they live here with us for practically nothing she is expected to clean, usually every other week.
ReplyDeleteI don't tell her how to clean, she knows how. This is a tough spot for you to be in because you mother is so difficult and it would be so much unnecessary presure on you. If you decide to help you will have to be firm with her. It is not your job to clean her house.
set your boundaries appropriately with her on what you feel comfortable doing...that is the way i would go...
ReplyDeleteI hope you can find a loving way to refuse this task JBR. Or at least accept it under your own terms (once a month perhaps, combined with a regular visit to your mom). Your mom sounds a lot like my grandmother, who is a narcissist and very hurtful, especially to my mom. She expects so much and gives nothing in return. Look after yourself my friend xx
ReplyDelete